October 20, 2018 felt like the first day of celebration for me.

You would think the baby’s birthday, May 15, would have felt like a celebration, but it didn’t. It’s hard to explain.

Don’t get me wrong, we were over the moon we made it to their 1st birthday. That everyone was still with us, medications were at a minimum, Ryan and I were still standing, and the babies were showing great progress. But the baby’s actual day of birth was traumatic for my body, family, and not knowing if the babies were going to live past an hour. That day didn’t feel hopeful, it didn’t feel beautiful, and I definitely didn’t find myself celebrating them being born.

On their first birthday, we did have a party with 75 of our closest friends (I know a lot of people) but most of those people had never met the babies. I did allow myself to celebrate and feel proud that we had made it this far, but remembering their actual birth was bringing up feelings of PTSD. (PTSD for NICU parents is a real thing) It was hard not to focus on how hard the first year of life had been and at this point we had only been home for 6 1/2 months.

I was beating myself up that I couldn’t celebrate that day or that I felt no emotional tie to that day. And I wondered if I would ever have a day that symbolized celebration for me.

Fast forward to October 20, 2018 we celebrated the babies one year anniversary of coming home from the hospital. This. This day finally felt like something to celebrate. The babies were healthy, home, and I had gotten to experience a year with them on my “terms”. Even though our days aren’t normal and we are fighting against so many odds, October 20 was something I could get behind.

October 20, 2017: Leaving the NEGA NICU as a family of 5! After spending 158 days!

We spent the day doing normal things. It felt so right to be spending time as a family. We made cupcakes and took them to the NICU and got to celebrate with some of our favorite NICU staff. We had a nice dinner as a family and I took a deep breath that we made it here.

Y’all take a moment. We made it. We made it a year after leaving the NICU.

We made it a year of taking care of triplets at home.

We made it a year of therapies, doctors appointments, and meeting milestones.

We made it through a year of watching prayers being answered left and right.

We made it a year of raising awareness for the NICU, life with micro-preemies, and helping other families.

We made it a year through nighttime bottles, thousands of diaper changes, hundreds of breathing treatments, medication changes, and sleep training.

We made it.

I find myself standing a little taller, stronger, and more confident after reaching this milestone. I find myself wanting to celebrate what’s ahead, instead of focusing on the past. Not that the NICU will ever leave us, but I finally feel us turning a corner. The corner of seeing our beautiful life and the journey the Lord has for us. It’s not a journey I would have picked, but I find myself starting to celebrate.

October 20, 2017 you will always stand as the biggest milestone in my mind. We will always celebrate you and what you mean to our family.

You are the day we got to take three miracles home.

-Abby

The First Celebration