38 Weeks: 97 Days of Life
We haven’t updated the blog in over two weeks. Honestly, I didn’t have many positive things to say and felt completely overwhelmed. Ryan starting back to school has been harder on both of us than we thought. On top of that, I am still processing the fact that I will not be returning to work. Teaching wasn’t just a career for me, but a passion, a calling. What does it look like, feel like, to put a passion on pause? I know I am right where the Lord wants me, but it doesn’t make it easier. Gestationally, the Mighty Three are at 38 weeks and now at 14 weeks in the hospital, it feels like other people are getting to “move on,” but I feel stuck. We have had many things to celebrate the past two weeks, which we will share, but first I want to try and paint an accurate picture of the NICU experience. I don’t share this to ruin the moment, but to help you understand why even some happy moments aren’t what they seem.
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From left to right: Maggie, Miller, and Max the first time they met.
The picture above was the first time the triplets met. I had dreamed about this day in my head since I found out I was pregnant with triplets. Never in a million years did I think it would take 92 days. On day 92, August 15th, I was anxious all day. I couldn’t wait to hold them all together. I arrived at the hospital at 11:00 a.m., but I had to wait until 4:00 p.m. so Ryan could be there. The nurse knew that it was a special day, because I was so excited! At 4:00 p.m. the nurse got busy and then had to go prepare milk for the night shift. It wasn’t until 5:30 p.m. before the nurse was able to help us and by that time, I was already a little frustrated. It took two nurses and one respiratory therapist about 20 additional minutes to prepare us and the room for this moment and finally, after 92 days, I was allowed to hold the mighty three for the very first time. Holding three babies at one time is hard! We facetimed our family members who weren’t able to make it. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted family members to celebrate with us, but it never felt like I had a moment to just breathe and take it in. The babies quickly became fussy and overheated and Miller’s heart rate was above 200. If one baby needed to be moved, they all had to be moved. Moving, and holding, a NICU baby takes a lot of effort by a number of people. There are several monitors and alarms were going off, what seems like constantly. It’s loud and stressful. Between the three of them, I had 18 wires on me! It’s very important that everything runs smoothly. I don’t share this to ruin the moment, but what you see on Instagram isn’t always as “easy” as it seems. It’s times like this where I feel more like a nurse than a mom. I never thought that being able to say “just a mom” would be so positive…so personal. I long for the day where I will be, “just a mom.”
FAQ
Now that they are in intermediate care, can I come visit?
Like we said at the beginning of this journey, our hospital only allows four visitors. That rule will stay until they come home. We wish it was different.
It looks like the babies are doing better, when will they come home?
The babies do “look” better, especially now that they are gaining weight. However, it’s what is inside that is keeping them from coming home. Their lungs are still developing, all three require oxygen and pressure to help breathe, and they are being fed through a tube. Two of our doctors have projected Halloween as a reasonable goal for the mighty three to come home! Yes, Halloween! I have tears in my eyes as I type that.
Maggie
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Maggie weighs 5lb 15oz! So close to 6lbs Maggie girl.
She is now back on High Flow oxygen at 23% at 3.5 liters (When they get to 2 liters of oxygen they can try to bottle feed).
They have reduced her calories to 24 (instead of 28), because her growth has been steady. If they are growing, their lungs are growing!
She is very alert and loves to look at you with her big eyes.
She is always smiling and has become quite the paci enthusiast.
Maggie’s biggest hurdles are her bradycardias. When her heart rate drops below 80.
Max
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Max has been showing out this week! He now weighs 5lb 15oz. He is technically 5 grams larger than Maggie!
He is on High Flow oxygen at 30% at 3 liters. Max is actually requiring the least liters of pressure right now! The pressure helps their lungs stay open! I can’t believe that my miracle baby is progressing so fast!
The doctors have also reduced his calories to 24, instead of 28, because of his steady weight gain.
He gets kinda fussy during hands on time, because he is ready to eat!
Max’s biggest hurdle is his oxygen requirements and lung development. Please also pray for his brain bleed to absorb and to have no developmental side effects.
Miller
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Above: Miller left and Max on the right.
Miller, our chunky monkey, now weighs 6lb 10oz. He looks massive compared to Maggie and Max!
Miller has moved up to newborn diapers!
He is on High Flow oxygen at 23% at 4 liters!
We love having him back in intermediate care with us.
Miller loves to bust out of his swaddles and suck his paci during feeds.
Miller’s biggest hurdle is his lung development.
Abby’s Thoughts
What do I share? What do I write? People tell me all the time, “It looks like you are handling this great. If this happened to me I would be on the floor crying.” Well, let me be honest, I have been on the floor crying. The past two weeks, I have cried more than I did in the beginning. I have cried to anyone who would listen this week. I even cried to a complete stranger who asked me if I had kids. In some ways the journey has gotten “easier,” but in other ways it has gotten harder. As the reality of being a micro preemie mom is setting in, so is the reality of this being my life. I don’t find myself angry or questioning God, I just find myself in deep sorrow for the babies. I hurt because they are hurting. I can’t tell you how many times a day I sing to myself…
I don't want to face this valleyI don't want to walk aloneYou say that you'll leave to find meWell I'm begging You now to come
Don't think I can face this morningHeaviness is on my chestYou say that You'll lift this burdenWell I’m begging You to bring me rest
Come and find me in the darkest night of my soulIn the shadow of the valleyI am dying for You to make me wholeFor You to make me whole
This song, The Valley, is written by Ellie Holcomb and I can’t help but sing it in the depths of my soul daily. Just when I can’t make another hospital visit, or answer another doctor’s call, God gives me the strength for that moment.
I stepped away for the first time this weekend. I went to NC to visit my twin niece and nephew (yes my sister has twins). I didn’t know how much I needed to step away and breathe. Seeing them run around and laugh brought me hope for what’s to come. I also realized in NC that I was putting my hope in God’s blessings, healing Maggie, Max, and Miller instead of putting my hope in the Lord. My hope can be found on nothing less than Jesus! That is hard to say and even harder to live when all I want is healthy babies. But, my hope MUST be in HIM! As I type this update, I feel that I have a new wind in my sails for this week. Week 38, 14 weeks of life, you are planned by the Almighty and I trust you.
Ryan’s Thoughts
These past couple weeks have been tough for me. School is back in full swing and I am also mentoring twice a week. It has been hard not seeing the kids as much, but the hardest thing is leaving Abby by herself. Knowing that she is at the hospital alone during the day makes it a long day. I am so proud of Abby for stepping away this weekend and going to North Carolina to see our niece and nephew. I am leaning into God this week asking for patience in being away from the kids during the day and going some days without seeing them. Being back in school has given me a creative outlet and allowed me to get my mind out of the hospital. My mind never drifts far from Abby or the Mighty 3, but I am finding relief in getting back to some sense of normalcy.
Praises
Our YouCaring site has blown us away! In three short weeks, we have raised almost $6,000 of our original $10,000 goal. All donations will help with medical bills. Thanks to your generosity! So far we have paid off my specialist bill and radiology bill! YOU are making a difference. We thank you for your generosity.
If you feel led to give please follow the link -->Give to the Mighty Three
We are selling the CRV this Friday! A huge answered prayer because we now only have the house payment!
Our doctor this week wants to be "aggressive" and we are excited about the possibilities.
Prayer Request
Pray for lung development and scar tissue
Pray for oxygen needs to decrease and fewer liters of pressure to be required
Pray for weight gain
Pray for Maggie's bradycardias
Pray for Miller's lungs
Pray for Max's brain bleed
We need you praying every hour with us! We have seen so many answered prayers, please don't stop now!
-Ryan and Abby
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