Suffering
"God won't give you more than you can handle."
During suffering, trials, or hard seasons, have you ever been told, "God won't give you more than you can handle?"
I bet my family was told this daily through our pregnancy and 5 1/2 month NICU stay. I know they meant well, but in my experience I did not find it helpful! It’s just a saying that people casually use without giving much thought. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be encouraging or wanting to offer hope in tough times but for me when hearing those words during suffering, it caused me to beat myself up. Why am I not strong enough to handle this? I was chosen for this, shouldn't I be able to handle it? Do I not have enough faith? All these questions flooded my mind as we had three babies on life support for months.
First of all, what does "handle" even mean? I obviously wasn't “handling” three babies on the verge of losing their life well, because I spent most of those months crying, begging God, and depending on everyone else for daily chores. Every time I was told that saying, I felt more and more defeated. I believe people were trying to communicate a message of "this won't defeat you, or God is still present or keep trusting in Him. If you are going through a difficult season or know someone who is, please do yourself or them a favor, chose your words carefully.
The most helpful thing people did with us was listen. When people are going through hard seasons, I believe they are looking for a safe space to share. Listen to their heart, pain, fears, praises, and questions. That's all they need. Someone to walk alongside them. You won't have the perfect thing to say, but guess what, they don't expect you to. We had some friends and family that didn't know what to say during our difficult season and the silence didn't get translated well. If you don't know what to say, then just listen. Show up. Be there. All we wanted was to feel surrounded by God and our people, instead of being surrounded by heartache and the unknown.
In writing this, I'm not trying to argue about scripture or make people feel bad for using the saying (I mean my own dad uses it), but rather shed some light in how to minister to those who are truly suffering. I believe the statement, "God won't give you more than you can handle," is untrue, hurtful, and teaches the opposite of what the scriptures say. The saying I believe is true, “God won’t give you more than you can handle WITH Him.” The "with Him" is the key for me. This changes everything. It changes the focus from me, to Him.
There are many examples in scripture where God does give people more than they can handle! One example is found in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11, "We do not want you to be uniformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."
Verses 8-11 show that Paul and his friends were "So utterly burdened beyond their strength that they despaired life itself." He follows that by telling us that the magic or the answer to this whole heartache around the saying, "God won't give you more than you can handle,"
is...
"But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." Paul was burdened, suffering beyond his own strength. Paul is clearly showing us we will experience more suffering than we can handle ourselves. And I hate to tell you, if you haven't experienced suffering so great that it cripples you and is beyond your control, you will. You are living a sunny day my friend.
The statement, "God won't give you more than you can handle," is human centered. It focuses on the person's abilities. When you focus on your own strength and own abilities through suffering, it will not bring you true peace or offer grace. However, focusing on God's abilities when you are suffering does bring peace, grace, comfort, and joy. Your dependence on God is what does get you through hard seasons. Trust me, Jesus is who He says He is. He will show up and carry the burden everytime.
So let's change our language, let's walk alongside people who are suffering, let's be about, "God will give you all the grace you need in every situation you face." "For He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.""
2 Corinthians 12:9
This is helpful. This is who God is. This is true.
-Abby